When Self-Care Isn’t Working: The Missing Piece Behind Emotional Burnout
A lot of women aren’t burned out because they’re doing too much. They’re burned out because they’re carrying too much that was never theirs to hold.
In this episode of the You World Order Showcase Podcast, I’m joined by Courtney Osselaer, an Emotional Mastery and Self-Trust Coach and former pediatric nurse, to talk about what’s really happening underneath exhaustion, disconnection, and that quiet feeling of being alone, even when your life looks “fine” on the outside.
We get into nervous system regulation, emotional patterns, and why real relief does not come from adding more self-care. It comes from learning how to feel safe in your body again and rebuilding self-trust from the inside out.
In this conversation, we cover:
- Why overwhelm is often emotional, not physical
- How triggers reveal what your nervous system is protecting you from
- The difference between rationalizing your feelings and listening to your body
- Why so many moms feel lonely even when they have support
- Courtney’s ROOTED Method: Regulate, Observe, Operate from self-trust, Transform energy and relationships, Express authentically, Decide and deepen
- The simplest first step to start releasing the load you’ve been carrying
🎁 Bonus for listeners: Courtney is offering a free Emotional Reset Session (normally $250) for Jill’s audience.
Schedule it here: courtneycoacheswellness.com (this is the direct link)
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp
Transcript
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: A lot of women I work with don't feel burned out because they're doing too much. They feel burned out because they're carrying too much that was never theirs to hold in the first place. On the outside, it looks like they're handling life just fine. On the inside, they feel exhausted, disconnected, and quietly alone.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Today, I want to explore why that happens, and the one shift that actually creates relief when self-care isn't working.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: We'll come back to that in a few minutes.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Hi, and welcome to the You World Order Showcase Podcast, where we feature life, health, transformational coaches and spiritual entrepreneurs stepping up to be the change they seek in the world. I'm your host, Jill Hart, the Coach's Alchemist, on a mission to empower coaches and entrepreneurs to amplify their voice, monetize their mission, and get visible.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: If you're ready to start attracting premium clients without chasing algorithms or hunting people down like a banshee on a mission, head over to
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Coachesalchemist.com and schedule your free client acquisition audit. It's the first step to building a business where your clients
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Seek you out, rather than you having to hunt them down. Today, we are chatting with Courtney Oslier.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Is that right?
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yep, you got it.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Okay.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I struggle with these names sometimes. Courtney is an emotional mastery and self-trust coach who helps professional and spiritual moms release emotional overwhelm, break generational patterns, and reconnect with themselves. A former pediatric nurse turned trauma-informed coach, she guides women through her root method.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: A nature-inspired approach to nervous system regulation, emotional mastery, and sustainable self-trust. Her work supports women in moving from depletion and survival mode into deeper connection, presence, and emotional freedom.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Welcome to the show, Courtney. I'm so excited for this conversation.
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::Courtney Osselaer: I am too! Thank you so much for being here, and I already told you this, but your energy is just frickin' magnetizing. It's so on fire, I love it.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's a great day in the world.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Always.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So, let me ask you the big question. What's the most significant thing, in your opinion, as individuals, we can do to make an impact on how the world is going?
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::Courtney Osselaer: I freaking love this question so much. It's so deeply rooted in everything I do, not only for myself personally, but professionally. And the one thing that I think everybody… if you want to improve the world, it's improve you, right? Look inside, put a mirror up to yourself, and, like.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Work on that. Work on you. Not just externally, but internally as well.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, it's the only thing we have control over.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: How we look at the world, we think about things.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: How we approach any experiences we're having.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Even our memories! I mean, it's like, we have total control over how we frame it.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Exactly, and it's so… Yeah, and it's so interesting how… I mean, I was just having a call with a client the other day, and she's complaining about her husband, and…
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::Courtney Osselaer: I'm like, is he actually saying these words to you? Like, you have this perception that he has these negative thoughts and feelings, but is he actually saying those words? I'm angry, I'm frustrated, whatever. And she's like, no, it's his facial expression, it's his tone of voice. And I'm like, okay, so you're… you can't say 100% certainty that this is how he's feeling. When you ask him, are you frustrated, what happens? And she's like.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Well, he tells me he's not, and I'm like.
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::Courtney Osselaer: okay, so… do you want to trust his truth, or do you want to just keep reeling in this idea that you think he's mad at you or frustrated with you, right? And I can relate to that so much, because I used to be that wife, I used to be that person, and it is a direct reflection of ourselves, and we often
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::Courtney Osselaer: it's… what it is, is it's a reflection of our past experiences, right? And how we see the world now is because we're looking for safety in
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::Courtney Osselaer: Keeping us safe from the things that hurt us in the past.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And we sometimes will… Keep after somebody long enough to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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::Courtney Osselaer: So, do you…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Keep… telling somebody
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I, you know, their facial expressions are making me feel frustrated, so I'm having this tone with them, and they will mirror your tone back.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You… just do it as an experiment sometime.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Talk to somebody and be really excited.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Today, for example, you're like, Energy is really contagious.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm not always like this, but I can feel energy, and the more energy I can bring to a conversation, the more amped up my guests will feel, and they'll mirror it back to me, and so we have a really great conversation. I've had conversations with people that were really struggling through something
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: really heavy in their life, and those conversations go very differently than this one does, Will.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah. Yeah, and you know, I think that's really important to note, too, because even in the heavy conversations.
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::Courtney Osselaer: you can bring energy to it, right? And you can bring this more for… I don't know how to explain that, but that's what's coming up for me, is like, even in the heaviness of life, we can still see the lightness and the fun and the excitement.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Even if we're going through crap, and…
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::Courtney Osselaer: Everybody's going through crap. I was just gonna say that! Everybody's going through crap all the… like, not all the time, but you know what I mean. Like, it's always happening around us, everywhere. So where can we see the light? Where can we see the…
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::Courtney Osselaer: fun, the exciting, the things that light you up. Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah. Even if it's just, you know, smiling at people, Or…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: making light of a serious situation. I mean, it's not always appropriate, but, you know.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it is. Yeah. You know, it just…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'll tell you a quick story about my dad. He's 89, and he's, he's going through chemotherapy, he's got a small tumor, and he's an amazing human being, and he's so upbeat most of the time, really all of the time. He just chooses that every day is going to be a good day.
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::Courtney Osselaer: And no matter what he's going through. So, he.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: He's been sleeping much better.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And usually he would get up around, you know, 5.30, 6 o'clock in the morning.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And the other day, he slept till 8.30.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I was so excited about sleeping so long, and I was joking with him, I was like, you had until 9, and then I was gonna come in and check on you, and he's going, yeah, make sure I'm not dead.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's like, yeah, that was totally it.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Totally! That's what your mind was going through when you were like, wow, he's not up yet, wow, he's not up yet. I freaking love that, that he was able to bring humor into his own situation, and honestly, that's what gets us through, right? That is 100% what gets us through, and you were saying, like.
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::Courtney Osselaer: being able to feel energy, and being an empath myself, and a lot of my clients are empaths, this, like, when things feel heavy.
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::Courtney Osselaer: We tend to, like.
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::Courtney Osselaer: go down with it kind of situation, right? Because we're totally absorbing it. But really, when you can learn to be…
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::Courtney Osselaer: grounded in yourself, and not absorb all of everybody else's emotions, you then get to share your light
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::Courtney Osselaer: your love with that person, right? So maybe somebody's going through something rough, and you give them a hug. Somebody that's close to you, you give them a hug, and instead of you coming down with them, you're literally lifting them up in that situation, and I think that's so incredibly important in our world.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Touch is a huge thing. It…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It can be good and it can be bad. My husband likes to call it sharing electrons.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Huh?
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Come here, honey, let's share electrons!
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::Courtney Osselaer: I love that so much.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: My husband is so funny.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Oh, I love that so much.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Great guy.
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::Courtney Osselaer: How long have you guys been married? I'm just curious.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: 30 years.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yay, I love that. Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, peace.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: He's just an amazing human being.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And he's doing so much right now for me.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: there are times, and, you know, 30 years is a long time. There have been ups and downs, and the reason that I know about some of these things is because, you know, we've gone through these experiences, and I've tried these experiments on them.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yes.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I had been really down, and, like, pits of depression. And he…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: He doesn't do all these, like.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: tools and stuff. I mean, he's just, like, the way he is, because… He's a guy.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Because he's just an amazing man.
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::Courtney Osselaer: an amazing man, but he'll say things like, I'm a guy, I don't have feelings.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And so… you know, if I'm really not feeling life, he mirrors it back to me.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And then things can spiral down. And I've, you know, I've learned to look at it like, you know, I'm in a victim mentality right now, and
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it's not gonna get any better unless I do something. I can… I'm the only one who can change what I'm feeling. I can't ask somebody else to do it for me, and it's really not fair to them to be giving them that energy.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah.
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::Courtney Osselaer: I was literally envisioning right now… sorry to interrupt you, or… No, go. I was literally envisioning right now, like, as a mom, how often…
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::Courtney Osselaer: We as mothers.
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::Courtney Osselaer: pour into our kids because we don't want them to hurt, right? So they're going through something, they're having an emotional whatever, and we spend so much energy just, like, giving and figuring out what's going on and da-da-da-da-da. And not to say that's wrong, I don't think it's inherently good or bad, it just is what we do.
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::Courtney Osselaer: But it exhausts us. It is literally exhausting, and then they're even… sometimes you can get them to come up a little bit, or help them a little bit, but for the most part, they're in their thing, and they have to work through it themselves. When I learn to, like, step back a minute, and just, like, breathe myself, and not let it affect me so much.
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::Courtney Osselaer: It really… letting them go through their process not only is better for them, because they learn how to
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::Courtney Osselaer: self-soothe, they learn how to manage their own emotions, right? And then you're not exhausted, and you're like, okay, you're better, let's go have some fun, right? When they have that… when they're ready for that. So, I don't know why I was envisioning that when you were saying that. It was just like, it sucks you dry as you're trying to pour into those around you that you love so much, because you want them to feel better.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So you can feel better.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Not your… yes.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Has an impact.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Pointing that out. Yes, it's all about that. That's why we do it, because it makes us uncomfortable.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yes. Because we're feeling that out.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: My daughter taught me that, my youngest daughter. She's like, sometimes I just need to…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: to let it out, and I don't need you to solve the problem. I'm also a problem solver, so it's like…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Tell me your problem, I'm gonna give you the solution!
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah, whether you asked for it or not. Yeah, and I've had to really learn how to just.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: listen and ask, do you want help with this, or are you just, like, wanting to process it yourself? Because some people need to speak out
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: what's going on in their head in order for their mind to actually hear it, and to come to some conclusion about what action they want to take, and we don't always have to take action right away, and for people that are
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: are just inherently doers, that's a hard, hard place to be in. And, you know, I've had lots of kids, so some of them are…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, I have, like, 5 kids.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And they… they're all different, and they all process stuff differently, and…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Some of them are empaths, and some of them aren't. Some of them are just like, I need to walk down this… this road.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And I don't need to tell you what's going on in my life. I'm gonna figure it out silently, and that just is like…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: What? There's something wrong with me!
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::Courtney Osselaer: I can only imagine, yeah.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Wow, do you… is that… the one that you're speaking of, I'm assuming it's probably one more than the rest of them. Is it a… is it a boy or a girl?
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Who doesn't talk?
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's the boy. Okay. He's gotten a lot better at it, because…
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::Courtney Osselaer: Huh.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: He's married, and his.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Like, he would not let me hug him.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: for the longest time. It would be like, I'm your mother, I'm going to hug you, you're my son, hold still.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Hug him, and he would just stand there.
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::Courtney Osselaer: And, like, I just have to get this over with, yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, this is totally it. And then, he got married… well, he found this girlfriend first, and then he married her.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But after he started dating her, he randomly came up and hugged me one day.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I was bold over… she's like, you know, Ryan, I loved you before, and now I really love you.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah, absolutely!
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::Courtney Osselaer: Is Ryan his wife?
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yes, sure.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah, absolutely, because you're like, that's all I needed. You are in my life, I love you forever, right?
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I've known her for a long time. I knew her when she was, like, 6. Okay. She was part of a Sunday school class I was teaching in. She's been part of our life for… and her parents live, like, 2 doors down.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Oh, no fun.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So… Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It… it was great.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah, I asked about if it was the boy or the girl, because my son is very similar, although he can… he's only 10, he's still pretty young.
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::Courtney Osselaer: And he can, show compassion for others and express, you know, love and things like that, but when it comes to his negative emotions, it's like a…
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::Courtney Osselaer: I cannot vocalize this, I cannot do whatever, and I actually have a really funny… I don't… maybe it's a funny story, I don't know, but
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::Courtney Osselaer: we were… I was tucking him in for bed one night, this was pretty recently, and…
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::Courtney Osselaer: you know, tuck-in is tuck-in, and as moms, we're often… I used to be the mom that was like, just rush through this, because I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I have stuff to do, you know, I need to get to bed.
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::Courtney Osselaer: But that's changed a lot since I've been doing my inner work, and I'm much more present, and I'm able to just be in the moment, and there's still limits and boundaries, right? We're not gonna sit in your room for an hour and a half just because you want to, but
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::Courtney Osselaer: he was having really big emotions, and he couldn't even… he was crying, visibly upset, could not even speak a single word. Every question I asked, it was just, like, a shoulder shrug of, these emotions are way too big, and I have no idea how to express myself.
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::Courtney Osselaer: And I was able to sit with him, like, just provide the physical comfort, rub his back, let him know I'm there, let him know it's okay to cry, you know, all those things. And eventually, he grabbed my phone.
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::Courtney Osselaer: it wasn't even in the room, so he went and got my phone and typed in my notes app, and he typed one word, and the word was overwhelm.
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::Courtney Osselaer: And I was like.
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::Courtney Osselaer: big sigh of relief, because my mind was going to all these places of, are you being hurt? Are you being bullied? Are you hurting somebody? Are you wanting to hurt yourself? Like, all this stuff. And this was the same week as the Charlie Kirk assassination and the evergreen school shooting that happened.
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::Courtney Osselaer: And so I was just like, my mind was going kind of crazy, and then when he typed overwhelm, I'm like, whew, I can deal with overwhelm, like, we can handle this, it's gonna be alright. But I was so proud of him for even, like.
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::Courtney Osselaer: thinking to write it down versus… that's a picture of him, if you're watching the video of this, like… Anyway, to think to put words on paper, because sometimes that's easier for people to get their thoughts out on paper, too, right? You had mentioned some people need to process verbally.
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::Courtney Osselaer: I'm one of those people. If I talk to my husband about something that's going wrong, or something that I'm having an issue with, he'll immediately try to come up with a solution. I'm like, honey, I don't need that. I just need you to listen. That's all I need.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Much like your daughter. Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, my husband's the same way.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: conversation.
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::Courtney Osselaer: I'm gonna beat this to death, just know right up front.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I… it… no matter what you say, I'm just gonna keep still talking.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yes.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I have to, like, get this…
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::Courtney Osselaer: out, so I can look at it.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Exactly.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Kudos to your son for not just having the forethought to write down what he was feeling, but to be able to identify what he was feeling.
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::Courtney Osselaer: 100%.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So many kids are feeling the big feelings, and they don't know what those big feelings are.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah, you know, we as parents can impact that so greatly. And it starts with, like we talked at the beginning of the episode of, like, doing your own inner work so that you can actually identify your emotions and feelings, right? But we, when I started on my own self-healing journey, I got… have you seen the feelings wheel? It's like a tertiary…
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::Courtney Osselaer: emotional wheel, and I got a pillow with that
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::Courtney Osselaer: on it. And so, when he was younger, anytime he was having emotions and he couldn't quite understand, this was after he could read, though, I would throw the pillow at him and be like, point to however you're feeling, because I knew he wasn't going to be able to, like, put words to it. And he was able to read through the words and, like, kind of start processing that on his own. So we as parents can help them with this. We don't have to just sit back and get frustrated, because they don't know how to express themselves. It starts with you, and then you can
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::Courtney Osselaer: You can have the… once it…
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::Courtney Osselaer: Once you've gotten that down, you can then have the tools for them, right? So incredibly important.
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::Courtney Osselaer: That's the other way. If there's a second way, a second thing that you can do to improve our world today.
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::Courtney Osselaer: do the inner work, but then teach your kids, right? And they're gonna learn it because they see you doing it, and that's actually the biggest reason, that's my biggest driving force in what I do, is the kids. Like, they are my passion, my heart and my soul. Like, I was a pediatric nurse for 15 years, and they've always been my passion and my soul.
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::Courtney Osselaer: And every kid on the planet deserves to feel seen and heard and loved and valued, right? Like, every person does, but especially every kid. And if you can imagine, even 50% of the children in the world growing up feeling that way.
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::Courtney Osselaer: How different are world events?
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: 20%. It doesn't take that much.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yes.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: 20% of the population who's also going to be doubling, because their kids will know these tools and skills, these are the things they should teach in school.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah. They should teach.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: How to be a human being?
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: How to grow food, or find food, or to prepare food.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: To feed yourself, Without going to the grocery store and buying crap.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: That you just open and consume, that isn't necessarily food.
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::Courtney Osselaer: I haven'.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: nourish you.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: How to create A covering.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You know, how to sew, how to, you know, make clothing.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And how to build a shelter and find water.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: potable water.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: To even know what the word pottable means.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Exactly, right. I don't… kids would look at you like you're crazy, what are you talking about?
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::Courtney Osselaer: And not even kids, adults too, right? And I… I'm with you on this, like, I think that there's so much needed in getting back to the rudimentary of what it means to be a human, and what we need as individuals, and not relying on other people to provide those things for us, and it's so easy
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::Courtney Osselaer: to get caught up in the modern day life and what that looks like. And, when you're…
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::Courtney Osselaer: my kid, you know, they know what all that is, because we… we garden, and we do that stuff, but when I say things, like, that's not even real food that you're eating right now, and they look at you, and you're like.
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::Courtney Osselaer: they're like, what are you talking about? I'm eating it. Of course it's food. It's like, just because you put it in your mouth doesn't mean you're nourishing your body, and that doesn't mean you're giving yourself food and fuel. So, I love… yeah, absolutely. And…
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::Courtney Osselaer: How to be a human on the basic level of
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::Courtney Osselaer: Love and compassion and understanding, right?
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Just kindness.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah. Have you…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: to be kind and how to be curious. Those are the two skills you need to teach kids. And beyond that.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: They'll figure stuff out. They'll figure out what they need to know.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: To produce whatever they're here to produce, to contribute to the world.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it doesn't… You don't… if you need… you do need to know how to read.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But that's a byproduct of being in society with other people, and reading books out loud. That's something that you can do as a community.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Then you have a community experience while you're learning to read.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Instead of, you know, just go look at your tablet.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Doing things in community teaches us that we're connected instead of disconnected. When you're disconnected, you're all about victimhood, you're about wanting a quick fix, a pill,
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Something that's fast and easy.
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::Courtney Osselaer: To make you feel better? Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you feel better. You know, I can see why alcoholism and drugs are such a big deal, because it's… it's, again, it's… it's numbing, but it's also, like, a barrier.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: To having an experience, the actual experience that you're having.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Because you don't know how to process it.
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::Courtney Osselaer: And talk about, like, addiction in general is that, right? Not just drugs and alcohol, food.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Scrolling…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: social media, right? Like…
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::Courtney Osselaer: It's infiltrating our everyday lives now, and it's with things that don't look bad, or that are actually accepted. Caffeine, I just was talking to a client the other day, she's decided to cut caffeine out, and she went through horrible withdrawals.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You know, the headaches, feeling super tired, and now that she's completely…
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::Courtney Osselaer: off of it, she's like, why would I ever do that again? Why would I ever put caffeine in my body the way I was before? Because, holy cow, that was messing with my mind power, it's messing with my emotions, it's messing with everything.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah, there was something else that you were saying that I wanted to speak to, and it's gone, so it doesn't matter.
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::Courtney Osselaer: It's not meant to be said.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's all good. I love that you have…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: a method called the Root Method. It speaks to getting back to nature, and I love trees.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Tell us… tell us a little bit about that, and the regulation of your nervous system, and how all these things go together.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah, so since I applied to be on your podcast, it's actually evolved into rooted, rooted method, and, you know, like we were saying, everything's always growing and changing and moving, and
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::Courtney Osselaer: So, this is the method that I use for my one-on-one clients, and it's not, like, a structured framework where we go step-by-step through this process. It's very much an evolutionary thing where…
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::Courtney Osselaer: we meet you exactly where you're at, and whatever we need to work on in that moment is what we work on. But so, the R is regulate… regulate your nervous system, so that's crazy important in our world in general, right? And it's not about learning how to keep your nervous system regulated all the time, because that's not the
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::Courtney Osselaer: human. That's not realistic, that's not…
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::Courtney Osselaer: okay? It's about recognizing when you're not regulated and being able to get back to regulation when it's appropriate, right? So, that's what that's about. And then the second… the first O is… I'm totally gonna botch all this, I feel like I need to pull it up.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You can have notes.
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::Courtney Osselaer: I know, I should have pulled that up beforehand. I didn't even, like, think about that. Let me see if I can.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I know we have these things in our head, and it's like, I know what they all are, but oh my god, it's a test!
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::Courtney Osselaer: Exactly! It's like, why do I feel this pressure to, like, pull it out of my…
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::Courtney Osselaer: Out of my head here.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: test.
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::Courtney Osselaer: And I have such a horrible memory anyway, like, why do I do this to myself?
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::Courtney Osselaer: Okay, the first O is… observe and own your emotional world. So…
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::Courtney Osselaer: like we spoke about earlier, when you can't even name your emotion, some people aren't even aware they're having an emotion, right? It's… they're so… and I used to be this way.
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::Courtney Osselaer: They're so just fight-flight dysregulated majority of the time that they can't even recognize they're having an emotion. When I remember when my husband used to say things like, why are you so angry? And I'd be like, I'm not angry!
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm angry!
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::Courtney Osselaer: What are you talking about? And I laugh at it now because, oh my gosh, how disconnected was I to my own inner world, right? And that's from my own trauma and reasons why I was disconnected, but so many… we all have trauma, but so that's the first O, which…
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::Courtney Osselaer: emotions are everything in my world. And the second O is operate from self-trust. So when we learn how to regulate our nervous system, and we learn how to own our emotions and operate with them, we can then learn to start trusting what's actually going on inside, right? So instead of thinking.
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::Courtney Osselaer: I'm so angry this isn't okay. It's not okay to be angry. You start to listen to that anger, like you said, get curious about the anger. What's going on there? Why is it there? Is it something on the outside that actually does need to be addressed and changed? Or is it just me with my conditioning and my past experiences coming into this, and how can I address that and work through that? So…
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::Courtney Osselaer: And it… you know, a lot of people that I work with, unfortunately, we've given so much of ourselves
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::Courtney Osselaer: to other people, right? We are taking care of our husbands, we're taking care of our kids, we're taking care of whatever we're doing in our job, we're taking care of our community, we're pouring into everybody else all the time, that we forget we have ourselves here, and we forget that we can actually trust what's going on here, instead of, like, operating from this
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::Courtney Osselaer: Headspace and this rationalization space.
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::Courtney Osselaer: we can actually operate from what our body is telling us, because our body knows… has so much knowing, and so much knowledge and wisdom, so that's where that comes in. The T stands for Transforming Energy and Relationships. This is, like, the core result of what I do with my clients, is…
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::Courtney Osselaer: gaining more sustainable energy and finding deeper connection with those you love most, right? So you had talked about…
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::Courtney Osselaer: This is actually what came up. It's coming back, what I wanted to say earlier, you talked about being in community, and how important that is, right, for everything, and oftentimes, the people, the women that I work with are in community, and they are surrounded by love, and they are surrounded by all these people that care about them, and are there for them, and are part of their tribe, and helping raise their families.
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::Courtney Osselaer: However, they are still feeling so incredibly lonely inside. They don't… they don't understand what that deep connection actually is, and how to achieve that, right?
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::Courtney Osselaer: it's very surface level. It's not, like, an actual, like, feeling like.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Be authentic.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Exactly, and that's what the E stands for, is express authentically, right?
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::Courtney Osselaer: And why do people feel like they can't express authentically? Because they don't feel safe to do so, and so it's that safety in the body that is everything. When you can learn how to be safe here, trust yourself here, literally your entire life changes.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Oh, yeah.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Oh, yeah. And, yeah, I was gonna say something, I'm not gonna go there. So… and then the D is deciding, and…
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::Courtney Osselaer: deepening. So, like, deciding to continue moving through the things that you worked on, and deciding to show up authentically, no matter
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::Courtney Osselaer: what other people are thinking, right? And that's where the safety comes in, because when you have other people criticizing you, that often feels unsafe.
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::Courtney Osselaer: So we get to create the safety within ourselves.
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::Courtney Osselaer: It's everything.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: The funny thing is, when you get beyond the what other people are thinking about you stage, two things. One, most people aren't thinking about you, they're thinking about themselves, and they're wondering what you're thinking about.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Thinking of You wondering about what they're thinking about you.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Exactly.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And the other thing is, when you reach a point where you realize that, And you just don't care.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's not that you don't care about other people, but you don't care about what they're thinking about. You just show up as you, and let those who are attracted to you
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Fill your space.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And keep boundaries around those who trigger you. I know that's what the block button's for.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You need to cultivate the kinds of people you let into your inner circle, so that you're not constantly
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: feeling that trigger, and we do all have triggers. They're just like, you said that to me, so it must mean whatever. You need to learn how to put some boundaries up to protect yourself.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But you need to be able to just say, I am who I am, take me or leave me, I'm gonna be kind and curious, and if I'm not for you, hey, that's okay.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Exactly, exactly, and…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: for everybody.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah, and I think that concept is so,
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::Courtney Osselaer: it's a very mind concept, right? Like, we can rationalize this, and it makes sense, but when it comes to actually embodying it, and
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::Courtney Osselaer: doing that, it can be extremely difficult, right? Because of our conditioning, because of our past experiences, it shows up, and like you said, it triggers you, and a lot of the work that I do is surrounded around triggers, and like, show… like, just being present in that, and what do we do with a trigger? And yes, we can use the block button, we can, you know, create space and boundaries around people and places and things that make us feel triggered, and
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::Courtney Osselaer: We can also learn from our triggers. We can…
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::Courtney Osselaer: That's actually what they're doing. It is your body and your nervous system showing you these things that are ready to be worked on and ready to be looked at, right? So spending time with them and acknowledging them, if actually being
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::Courtney Osselaer: grateful that they're there to teach you something, is a lot of what I do in our sessions, and
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::Courtney Osselaer: I could just go on and on about this topic all freaking day, because it's my frickin' heart.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And I could encourage you.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Excellent.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: ask you this question, where…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: How do you work with people? Is it all one-on-one? Is it community? Is it a combination of both?
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah, currently it's one-on-one. It's evolving into… it's gonna be evolving into community and, like, retreat-type style stuff, but right now, it's one-on-one, and
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::Courtney Osselaer: It's all online, so it's super convenient for the busy… we're all busy, you know, you're running around, it's just convenient to hop online and do a session, and you had mentioned it earlier, like, the feeling of energy, and the… it blows my mind every time this topic even comes up, because the fact that we can be sitting here… I don't even know where you're located, I didn't ask you.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm in Arizona right now, but normally I'm in Idaho.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Okay, I'm in Arizona. That's so funny.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I didn't arrows.
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::Courtney Osselaer: I'm in Northern Phoenix!
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: What city?
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::Courtney Osselaer: Anthem.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I don't know where Anthem is. Do you know where Goodyear is?
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah, absolutely. That's a lot of fun.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Together, we'll talk about it after the show.
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::Courtney Osselaer: I know, that's so random. Well, anyway…
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::Courtney Osselaer: besides the point, if you were in Idaho, or if you were on the other side of the world, and we could connect like this, and share energy, and share space, like, it just blows my mind. So anyway…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: In case it doesn't actually even exist.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah. We could go there if you really want to.
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::Courtney Osselaer: What would you Does he appreciate that tangent, or would they be like, what are you talking about, girl?
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I don't know, we'll save it for a different one, but I…
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm totally with you with that one. Earlier, we talked about how burnout isn't always about doing too much, but carrying what was never meant to be carried. If a woman listening feels seen by that and realizes she's been living in survival mode, what's the first step she can take to begin releasing that load and reconnecting with herself?
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::Courtney Osselaer: I would have to say that the very first step that you can take is book a call with me. So, I have a session that's called an emotional reset session, and
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::Courtney Osselaer: for any of you that are listening to Jill's podcast here, it's going to be completely complimentary, I want to give that to you. It's normally… I normally charge $250 for it, but because your audience is so amazing, and you're so amazing, I want to offer that complimentary. And what we do on that session is…
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::Courtney Osselaer: I ask you lots of questions. I get to know you, I get to the root of what is going on with you emotionally, maybe what emotions are holding you back from things that you've been wanting to work on and you haven't been able to.
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::Courtney Osselaer: just… we really dig deep in that, and then I share some resources, ones that are appropriate for you, it's very individualized, and then at the end, we'll talk about if you're wanting further support in this work, and if you do, then we can talk about what that looks like working together further.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah, it's…
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::Courtney Osselaer: I would love to support any of your… any of your listeners who are interested and are feeling called to that… called to the inner work that they know. I mean, I just had a conversation yesterday who…
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::Courtney Osselaer: This is exactly what it is, because I was this person. She's like, I've read all the books, I've done the meditations, I've done the sound healing, I've done this, I've done that, you know, da-da-da-da, all these things, and I still feel like there's something here. And I'm like, yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's about that embodiment, it's about…
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::Courtney Osselaer: Teaching yourself, your body, that you are safe.
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::Courtney Osselaer: when you say you're safe, and trusting that. So, that's a little glimpse into what… what our work could look like together.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I love that, I love that. And I really appreciate you offering the listeners a free session with you.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it's… it's really the first step to solving any problem, is identifying what the problem is. Exactly.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Highly recommend it. Thank you so much for joining me today, Courtney. This has been a great conversation. I could talk to you all afternoon.
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::Courtney Osselaer: I know, I feel like we really could. We're only, like, 45 minutes away from each other, we should definitely meet up for coffee, or… not… I don't drink coffee, I don't know if you do, but something, and it's beautiful.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Meet up for a walk!
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::Courtney Osselaer: I love that, that's my favorite in the whole wide world.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Okay, we'll do.
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::Courtney Osselaer: Thank you so much for having me, Jill, I appreciate you.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But I appreciate you joining me.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So, you can learn more about Courtney and schedule your free emotional reset session by going to courtneycoacheswellness.com. There is a direct link that's much longer that I will, put in the show notes below, so you can just go directly there instead of having to do the
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: the jump to… to access this. And I do want to thank you for joining us today. If you're ready to amplify your voice, monetize your mission, and start attracting premium clients, your next step is simple. Head on over to thecoachesalchemist.com and schedule your free client acquisition audit.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Be sure to join us for our next episode on the You World Order Showcase Podcast, as we share what others are doing to raise the global frequency. And remember, change begins with you. You have all the power to change the world. Start today and get visible.
